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PART 2: Is There a Psychoanalyst In the House? If Yes, Do You Make Den Calls?
British Columbia, Canada- When I woke up this morning I knew the day was going to get worse. I spent 2 hours trying to get the mules moving and we couldn't remember which tree we used to string up the food supply. We decided to ride up River and catch some trout. J's brother had his mind set on surveying for a new place to set up their hunting camp in November when they ride back up for the season. I wouldn't comply since I wouldn't be here in November. They wanted me to catch some Trout to go with the M.R.E.'s and potatoes we are busting open tonight. I told them to find a six point deer that's walking in front of a bullet. I'm sick of Salmon and Trout, and it takes 3 M.R.E.'s to make one meal for me so I have had enough of those unless I'm dying.
I rode Blue north about four miles with my eyes on the 3rd bend in the River; I could see it from a clearing in a field that was growing back from a forest fire last year. I knew where to set up my fishing camp for the day; between an outcropping of rock protecting my back and three giant pines casting massive shadows over my side of the River. I collected a days worth of firewood and started a fire to cook my lunch as soon as I catch it. I have a box of Cheez-its and some beef jerky I grabbed from one of the mules my friends thought they had with them. I bet they are looking for those Cheez-its and I don't care.
A telescopic fishing pole is always at my side but I have five different Shakespeare Ugly Sticks and Rhino poles to keep lines in the water. Worms, lures, bread balls and a small net if I get desperate. I have a split line with a bread ball on the bottom of this slow moving river and an offshoot line with 2 worms. I'm watching the pole bend back towards the current so I think it's show time people. As I grab the handle to reel in; one of my Ugly Sticks jumps so I step on it, the reel starts to screech with the line spinning out and I have no idea what to do here. So I held onto the double liner and went with the odds. Something jumped out of the water that looked like a Trout or a Salmon; I'm not well versed from a distance. I'm still not sure even though I ate it. I pulled in a fish 20 inches long and it didn't taste like a Salmon. Maybe a Trout family member. After a sit down meal thanks to an easy mornings work, I had half a dozen Trout with 3 other fish I couldn't identify.
I want to get rid of these fish by putting them in my horse's pack. He's grazing back in that field we cut through and I can't even see him through the woods. I have the fish linked together in the river so they don't stink but there is a bad fish stink anyway. I figured out what was going on a little too late. On the other side of the riverbend I noticed a couple of birds circling and then a giant brown clump of fur started moving past some trees. It was the size of a brown horizontal refrigerator with legs and a head like a Grizzly Bear. It was a Grizzly Bear and he was now looking right at me holding my prize fish. I looked like an idiot without a doubt. Standing there like a Drive-Thru worker holding a Big Mac out the window in a city.
There was a pile of dead fish nearby him which I didn't notice before now. He didn't notice them now either, that's the problem. I looked around and remembered the rifle is on my horse and he is in the middle of a 7 course forest buffet. I am not interested in killing a bear in his own house. That's where we are right now, in his house. I just want to get out of here and he's digging his right paw into the ground and shaking his head at me, right now. If I start running he will hit the river for sure. If I stand here and stare he might stay over there with the river in the way. I stared for about ten seconds and he moved to the edge of the river and stuck his snout in the water. Then he looked back up at me while I was turning my head. That was it I think.
I heard some noise in the woods behind me so I turned to see if it was another bear, to my shock is was my horse running towards me. I heard a thundering water splash behind me, I couldn't look back. There was nothing to look back at my friends. I ran to my horse trying to decide if I should grab for the rifle or the reins and stirrup. I could hear that thousand pound psychotic episode getting out of the river on my side. I slam into my horse as he stops to turn around in front of me so I stuck my foot in place and jumped up on his back. On Blue's second back leg kick out to launch there was a spine twisting thud that shot through my body. Blue started to go forward on a stutter step kick. I heard a noise behind me that sounded like a Grizzly Bear getting kicked in the head by a 1,200 pound Horse that is loyal to me.
I looked back to see that bear trying to stand up with his left shoulder blade wedged into the side of his skull. He couldn't stay upright; he was flopping around on the ground in a circle, leaving blood stains in the dirt. He couldn't do much but suffer and terrorize the woods for the remainder of his soon to be short life so I made sure the rifle I had was fully loaded and operational. I fired a test shot from the woods into a tree and rode back around out of his peripheral so I could give him a little dignity. I have no choice, he's ruined. I tried to get away, all the time knowing I was in his house. He is a danger to other Human Beings now and that's why I just finished pulling this trigger three more times.
I walked up to him and pulled out my knife. I cut down from the left top of his back near his head; including the separated shank, to the bottom, then up to the rear of his spine in a triangle. I tied the side up to a tree to salvage some prime cuts for travel and that night's cookout. I couldn't just leave him for the scavengers so I tied some rope to the rest of him and had Blue tow him into the middle of the River for the adequate send off he deserved. Continued NEXT PAGE.
Operator's Disclaimer: Circumstances surrounding this event made photographic documentation impossible. The two Archival photographs on this page are borrowed from; Ronald Kamphuis and Turbo1Z28 at photobucket.com.